She was saving it for later.

"If she lifted up her left breast, I'm sure she would find cheese and crackers from LAST years Super Bowl." Boss Man Bing commenting on a previous employee's hygiene.

Girls Getaway.

Five friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls’ getaway trip - shopping, casinos, massages, facials.

Two days before the group is to leave Mary's husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn't going.

Mary's friends are very upset that she can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the bar drinking a glass of wine.

"Wow, how long you been here and how did you talk your husband into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night........... Yesterday evening I was sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes and said 'Guess who'?"

I pulled his hands off to find all he was wearing was his birthday suit. He took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room was scented with perfume, had two dozen candles and rose petals all over..........

On the bed, he had handcuffs and ropes! He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed, so I did.

And then he said, "Now, you can do whatever you want."

So here I am.

HEHE.

Clap on! Clap off!

Remember The Clapper? I always wanted one. When I was little, I used to clap my hands before I turned the lights on and off. Thats just how bad I wanted The Clapper.

Now that I am older, I kind of want this...

Glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts. That shit will stick with you forever.

That title has nothing to do with this post. I heard that on that new MTV show last night and have been laughing about it ever since. Because if you didn't know, I LOVE GLITTER. Speaking of new MTV shows, did anyone catch the Buried life? That is now one of my new favorite shows. Watch it.

Its been sorta crazy at work lately. We recently moved and had a mountain of problems as a result. AT&T totally screwed us with our DSL. Even though we are only 270 feet away from the old office, we cant get DSL in this new office. WTF?

I guess that wouldn't have been a huge problem if AT&T told us before the move. First of all, they switched our phone and Internet a day early so Friday we couldn't do any work (which I didn't complain about since they sent me home as soon as I got there, but still.) When we got to the new office Monday expecting our phone and Internet to work and they didn't, my bosses were pissed. They call and that's when they found out "DSL isn't available in your area".

Comcast says they can have a service man out to us as soon as possible. In FIVE days. Five days? Five days? Really? Don't they know we NEED the Internet to function in the world? Its like drug dealers theses days. They say they will be there in a "hot minute" and three days later they finally show up. Psh.

We are stealing the neighbors Comcast in the meantime.

Anyways, this has got to be the craziest office I have ever work at. There is a fully stocked bar downstairs and the people here start drinking at 9am. Just what my alcoholic boss needs. We can smoke here. Like at our desks. This totally blows my mind because you cant smoke anywhere in IL since they passed that law. Ordinarily I would be tickled pink. I mean, who likes standing outside in these harsh freezing weather conditions? No one, that's who. But with the added moving stress, Boss Man has been chain smoking like a fool. The smoke is so thick that I'm lucky to see the computer screen. Don't even get me started about the smell. I don't even want a cigarette while I'm here.

Someone also brought their dog to work today. WHAT? I have never been to an office were pets were welcome. And all morning the guys have been playing with remote control airplanes. Not a bad way to spend the day I guess. Smoking cigarettes, drinking cocktails and playin' with dogs and airplanes.

Like I said, the craziest office I have ever worked in.

Stage 5 clinger.

I thought I had it under control. I thought he understood. Boy, was I wrong.

Over the weekend Hads texts started to become overwhelming. The more I ignored him, the more he would text. I finally had to pull the trigger and let him know that I just wasn't interested. This is how it went down.

Hads: Whats up?
Me: ignore.
Hads: U busy?
Me: ignore.
Hads: I know you have only known me for a min but you always call back. Are you ok? Are you well?
(Stalker alert!)
Me: Just been busy. And I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm not looking for anything right now and I just don't want to lead you on. Sorry.
Hads: Well jus wanted 2 c if we could smk last night. Ur alotta fun, want more fun. No strings, just like u. Was thinkin u did 2. Dont want 2 pester u.
(way to make me feel bad)
Me: I just wanted to be clear that I'm not looking for anything. Still dealing with Ex BF shit.
(plus, Your brother is way hotter. Want to hook me up with him?)
Hads: We hav a lot in common in that regard. Thanx 4 bing honest. Dont b scared, jus b yourself and dont b a stranger. R we cool?
Me: Totally cool. :) I just needed to get that out there.
Hads: Ps ur a great kisser
(yea, tell me something I don't know.)
Me: Thanks.
Hads: Do u still want to go 2 dinner sometime soon, now that we understand each other?
(CRAZY)

WTF? Dinner? I thought we understood each other, dude. Why would he still ask me to dinner? He must not get it. Or he does and just doesn't care?

I'm sure I don't know.

What I do know is that this morning, I got another text from him.

Hads: I want 2 slather this arbys horsey sauce all over your body. ;-)
(I just puked in my mouth a little bit)
Me: I don't like condiments.
Hads: Applesauce then? I saved a mag 4 u, since u are the photographer.
(Please don't do nice things for me. It only adds to your stalking characteristics)
Me: What magazine?
Hads: Ha, time year in pics. Stop by after work so i can smoke u out.

Now, does this guy sound like he is on the same page as me? No? Didn't think so. FML.